Nursing Humor
Layman Medical Terms

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Medical Terminology for the Layman

ANTIBODY: against everyone

ARTERY: the study of fine paintings

BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria

BANDAGES: The Rolling Stones

BARIUM: what you do when CPR fails

BENIGN: what you be after you be eight

BOTULISM: tendency to make mistakes

BOWEL: letters like A, E, I, O, or U

CAESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome

CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing

CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty

CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her

COLIC: a sheep dog

COMA: a punctuation mark

CONGENITAL: friendly

CORTIZONE: the local courthouse

D & C: where Washington is

DILATE: to live longer

ENEMA: not a friend

ENTERITIS: a penchant for burglary

ER: the things on your head that you hear with

FESTER: quicker

FIBRILLATE: to tell lies

G.I. SERIES: baseball games between teams of soldiers

GENES: blue denim slacks

GENITAL: non-Jewish

GRIPPE: what you do to a suitcase

HANGNAIL: a coathook

HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space

HERPES: what women do in the Ladies Room

HORMONES: what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid

ICU: peek-a-boo

IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known

INPATIENT: tired of waiting

LABOR PAIN: hurt at work

MEDICAL STAFF: a doctor's cane

MINOR OPERATION: somebody else's

MORBID: a higher offer

NITRATE: lower than day rate

NODE: was aware of

ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move

ORGANIC: church musician

OUTPATIENT: a person who has fainted

PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories

PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go

PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture

PLASTER CAST: the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert

POST-OPERATIVE: a letter carrier

PROTEIN: in favor of young people

RECOVERY ROOM: place to upholster furniture

RECTUM: what happened to the Corvette

RED BLOOD COUNT: Dracula

RHEUMATIC: amorous

SALINE: where you go on your boyfriend's boat

SECRETION: hiding anything

SEROLOGY: study of English knighthood

SURGERY: a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply

STERILE SOLUTION: not using the elevator during a fire

TABLET: a small table

TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport

TIBIA: country in North Africa

TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak

TUMOR: an extra pair

URINE: opposite of "you're out"

VARICOSE: very close

VEIN: conceited
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Created on April 3, 1999

Last updated by Andrew Lopez, RN on Saturday, October 1, 2011


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